I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
