Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
