Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
