I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
