and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
