I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
