Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
