I want to walk on stilts...naked
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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