So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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