She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
