i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
