An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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