You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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