my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
