She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
