Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
