Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
