I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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