I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
