I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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