I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
