I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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