SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
