I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
