Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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