Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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