coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
