writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
