Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
