im six kinds of drunk right now
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
