Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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