Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
