He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
