On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
