So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
