She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
