pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
