Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
