Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
