So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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