Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
