two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
