i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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