the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
