You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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