Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
