did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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