i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
