I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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