For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize