i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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