i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
