Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
