Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
