My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
