i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
