I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
