Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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