I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
