Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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