So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
