it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
