I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
