Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
