Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
